After assessing your organization’s capacity and research goals, you may choose to conduct a survey as one of the methods of data collection for your research analysis.

In this section:

• Why conduct a survey?
• Identify your survey population
  1. Online survey
  2. Paper survey
• Create your questions
  1. Short and clear questions
  2. Simple and universal language
  3. "Closed" and "open" questions
  4. Logical organization
  5. Less than 20 mins
  6. Simple and exciting
• Test and translate
  1. Your advisors
  2. Draft and test
  3. Translation
• Target the right population
  1. Sample size
  2. Degree of participation
  3. Database and contact list

Why conduct a survey?

A survey is an excellent way to gather information on individual organizations to capture trends at a collective level.

For example, one organization’s budget size does not tell you much about a trend in women’s rights funding, but if you know the budgets of 1,000 women’s rights organizations or even 100, you can start to form a picture of the collective state of women’s rights funding.

As you develop your survey questions, keep in mind the research framing that you developed in the previous section.

Remember: Your framing helps you determine what information you are trying to procure through your survey. The data collected from this survey should allow you to accomplish your goals, answer your key questions, and create your final products.

See examples of survey questions in AWID’s Sample WITM Global Survey

Back to top

---

Identify your survey population

This is an important step – the clearer you are about which populations you want to survey, the more refined your questions will be. 

Depending on your research goals, you may want to create separate surveys for women’s rights organizations, women’s funds and donors. Or you may want to focus your survey on women’s groups and collect interviews for women’s funds and donors, as a survey for each population can be resource-intensive.

The questions you ask women’s groups may be different than ones you would ask women’s funds. If you plan on surveying more than one population, we encourage you to tailor your data collection to each population.

At the same time, some key questions for each population can and should overlap in order to draw comparative analysis from the answers.

Online survey

If you can reach your survey population online, it is useful and efficient to create an online survey.

We recommend two online tools, both which offer free versions:

• Survey Monkey
• Survey Gizmo

Survey Gizmo allows you to convert your data for SPSS, a statistical software useful for advanced data analysis

Your data analyst person(s) will be the best person(s) to determine which tool is best for your survey based on staff capacity and analysis plans.

For accessibility, consider making a PDF form version of your survey that you can attach via email. This ensures organizations that have sporadic internet connections or those that pay for it by the minute can download the survey and complete it without requiring a constant online connection.

Paper survey

You may decide that an online approach is not sufficiently accessible or inclusive enough for your popuation.

In this case, you will need to create a paper survey and methods to reach offline populations (through popular events or through post, with pre-stamped envelopes for returning).

Back to top

---

Create your questions

Make it easy for participants to complete your survey.

1. Short and clear questions

If the questions are confusing or require complex answers, you risk having participants leave the survey unfinished or providing answers that are unusable for your analysis.

Ensure your questions only ask for one item of information at a time.

For example:

• What is your organization’s budget this year?
  Easy to answer: participant can easily locate this information for their organization, and it is only asking for one item of information.
• What percentage of your budget have you identified as likely sources for funding for your organization, but are still unconfirmed? 
  Confusing and difficult to answer: are you asking for a list of unconfirmed funding sources or percentage of funding that is likely but unconfirmed?
  This information is difficult to obtain: the respondent will have to calculate percentages, which they may not have on hand. This increases the risk that they will not complete the survey.

2. Simple and universal language

Many words and acronyms that are familiar to you may be unknown to survey participants, such as “resource mobilization”, “WHRD”, and “M&E”, so be sure to choose more universal language to express your questions.

If you must use industry lingo – phrases and words common to your colleagues but not widely known – then providing a definition will make your survey questions easier to understand.

Be sure to spell out any acronyms you use. For example, if you use WHRD, spell it out as “Women’s Human Rights Defenders".

3. "Closed” and "Open" questions

Closed questions:

Only one response is possible (such as “yes,” “no” or a number). Survey participants cannot answer in their own words and they typically have to choose from predetermined categories that you created or enter in a specific number. Responses to closed questions are easier to measure collectively and are often quantitative.

Example of a closed question: What is your organization’s budget?

Open-ended questions:

These are qualitative questions that are often descriptive. Respondents answer these questions entirely in their own words. These are more suitable for interviews than surveys.

They are harder to analyze at a collective level as compared to closed-end questions, especially if your survey sample is large. However, by making open-ended questions very specific, you will make it easier to analyze the responses.

Whenever possible, design your survey questions so that participants must select from a list of options instead of offering open-ended questions. This will save a lot of data cleaning and analysis time.

Example of open-ended question: What specific challenges did you face in fundraising this year?

Familiarize yourself with different types of questions

There are several ways to ask closed-ended questions. Here are some examples you can review and determine what fits best for the type of data you want to collect:

• Multiple choice questions: the participant can select one or several options you pre-entered
• Rating scales: the participant gives a note on a scale you pre-determine.
  For this type of questions, make sure to clearly state what the bottom and the top of your scale mean
• Ranking: the participant will choose and organize a certain number of answers you pre-determine.

View more question types

4. Logical organization

If you plan to conduct this research at regular intervals (such as every two years), we recommend developing a baseline survey that you can repeat in order to track trends over time.

Set 1: Screening questions

Screening questions will determine the participant’s eligibility for the survey.

The online survey options we provided allow you to end the survey if respondents do not meet your eligibility criteria. Instead of completing the survey, they will be directed to a page that thanks them for their interest but explains that this survey is intended for a different type of respondent.

For example, you only want women’s rights groups in a given location to take this survey. The screening questions can determine the location of the participant and prevent respondents from other locations from continuing the survey.

Set 2: Standardized, basic demographic questions

These questions would collect data specific to the respondent, such as name and location of organization. These may overlap with your screening questions.

If resources permit, you can store these answers on a database and only ask these questions the first year an organization participates in your survey.

This way when the survey is repeated in future years, it is faster for organizations to complete the entire survey, increasing chances of completion.

Set 3: Standardized and mandatory funding questions

These questions will allow you to track income and funding sustainability. Conducted every year or every other year, this allows you to capture trends across time.

Set 4: Special issues questions

These questions account for current context. They can refer to a changing political or economic climate. They can be non-mandatory funding questions, such as attitudes towards fundraising.

For example, AWID’s 2011 WITM Global Survey asked questions on the new “women & girls” investment trend from the private sector.

5. Less than 20 mins

The shorter, the better: your survey shouldn’t exceed 20 minutes to ensure completion and respect respondents’ time.

It is natural to get excited and carried away by all the types of questions that could be asked and all the information that could be obtained. However, long surveys will lead to fatigue and abandonment from participants or loss of connection between participants and your organization.

Every additional question in your survey will add to your analytical burden once the survey is complete.

6. Simple and exciting

• Let participants know the estimated time to complete the survey before they begin
• Specify what information they will need to complete it so they have it on hand (for example, if you are asking for financial data, say it at the outset so they can prepare)
• Request information that organizations can easily access and provide – for example, requesting financial information from 20 years ago may be difficult (or impossible) for organizations to provide.
• Create an incentive to convince your survey population to complete the survey, such as a prize raffle. For example, AWID held a raffle draw for a round-trip flight to the AWID Forum as a prize for completing our 2011 WITM Global Survey.

General tips

• Ask for exact budgets instead of offering a range (in our experience, specific amounts are more useful in analysis).
• Specify currency! If necessary, ask everyone to convert their answers to the same currency or ask survey takers to clearly state the currency they are using in their financial answers.
• Ensure you collect enough demographic information on each organization to contextualize results and draw out nuanced trends.
  For example, if you are analyzing WITM for a particular country, it will be useful to know what region each organization is from or at what level (rural, urban, national, local) they work in order to capture important trends such as the availability of greater funding for urban groups or specific issues.

Back to top

---

Test and translate

1. Your advisors

Involving your partners from the start will allow you to build deeper relationships and ensure more inclusive, higher quality research.

They will provide feedback on your draft survey, pilot test the survey, and review your draft research analysis drawn from your survey results and other data collection.

These advisors will also publicize the survey to their audiences once it is ready for release. If you plan on having the survey in multiple languages, ensure you have partners who use those languages.

If you decide to do both survey and interviews for your data collection, your advisor-partners on your survey design can also double as interviewees for your interview data collection process.

2. Draft and test

After your survey draft is complete, test it with your partners before opening it up to your respondents. This will allow you to catch and adjust any technical glitches or confusing questions in the survey.

It will also give you a realistic idea of the time it takes to take the survey.

3. Translation

Once the survey is finalized and tested in your native language, it can be translated.

Be sure to test the translated versions of your survey as well. At least some of your pilot testers should be native speakers of the translated languages to ensure clarity.

Back to top

---

Target the right population

1. Sample size

Your survey sample size is the number of participants that complete your survey.

Your survey sample should reflect the qualities of the larger population you intend to analyze.

For example: you would like to analyze the millions of women’s rights groups in Valyria but you lack the time and resources to survey every single one.
Instead, you can survey only 500 of the Valyrian women’s rights groups – a sample size - to represent the qualities of all the women’s groups in the region.

Recommended sample size

• 100 survey participants or less tend to be unreliable
• 250 to 400 will yield results of reasonable accuracy
• over 400 are fully adequate and will also allow accurate analysis of subgroups (for example, age groups).

Although it is not necessary to determine your exact sample size before you launch your survey, having a size in mind will allow you to determine when you have reached enough participants or whether you should extend the dates that the survey is available, in case you feel that you have not reached enough people.

2. Degree of participation

Even more important than size of a sample is the degree to which all members of the target population are able to participate in a survey.

If large or important segments of the population are systematically excluded (whether due to language, accessibility, timing, database problems, internet access or another factor) it becomes impossible to accurately assess the statistical reliability of the survey data.

In our example: you need to ensure all women’s groups in Valyria had the opportunity to participate in the survey.

If a segment of women’s groups in Valyria do not use internet, and you only pull participants for your sample through online methods, then you are missing an important segment when you have your final sample, thus it is not representative of all women’s groups in Valyria.

You cannot accurately draw conclusions on your data if segments of the population are missing in your sample size; and ensuring a representative sample allows you to avoid this mistake.

3. Database and contact list

To gain an idea of what the makeup of women’s groups for your area of research (region, population, issue, etc) looks like, it may be useful to look at databases.

• Some countries may have databases of all registered nonprofits, which will allow you to know your full population.
• If databases are not available or useful, you can generate your own list of groups in your area of research. Start with networks and coalitions, ask them to refer you to additional groups not in the membership lists.

By understanding the overall makeup of women’s groups that you plan to target, you can have an idea of what you want your sample to look like - it should be like a mini-version of the larger population.

After participants have taken your survey, you can then gauge if the resulting population you reached (your sample size) matches the makeup of the larger population. If it doesn’t match, you may then decide to do outreach to segments you believe are missing or extend the window period that your survey is open.

Do not be paralyzed if you are unsure of how representative your sample size is – do your best to spread your survey as far and wide as possible.

Back to top

---

Previous step

2. Frame your research

Next step

4. Collect and analyze your data

---

Estimated time:

• 2 - 3 months

People needed:

• 1 or more Research person(s)

• Translator(s), if offering survey in multiple languages

• 1 or more Person(s) to assist with publicizing survey to target population

• 1 or more Data analysis person(s)

Resources needed:

• List of desired advisors: organizations, donors and activists

• Optional: an incentive prize to persuade people to complete your survey

• Optional: an incentive for your advisors 

Resources available:

• Survey Monkey or Survey Gizmo

• Sample of WITM Global Survey

---

Previous step

2. Frame your research

Next step

4. Collect and analyze your data

---

Ready to Go? Worksheet

Download the toolkit in PDF

HUMAN RIGHTS

Context

The current global economic crisis provides stark evidence that the economic policies of the last 3 decades have not been working.

The devastation that the crisis has wrought on the most vulnerable households in the Global North and Global South is a reminder that the formulation of economic policy and the realization of human rights (economic, social, political, civil and cultural) have for too long been divorced from one another. Economic policy and human rights do not have to be opposing forces, but can exist symbiotically.

Macroeconomic policies affect the operation of the economy as a whole, shaping the availability and distribution of resources. Within this context, fiscal and monetary policies are key.

Definition

• Fiscal policy refers to both public revenue and public expenditure, and the relationships between them as expressed in the government budget.
• Monetary policy includes policies on interest and exchange rates and the money supply, as well as the regulation of the financial sector.
• Macroeconomic policies are implemented using instruments such as taxation, government spending, and control over the supply of money and credit.

These policies affect key prices such as interest and exchange rates that directly influence, among other things, the level of employment, access to affordable credit, and the housing market.

Applying a human rights framework to macroeconomic policy allows States to better comply with their obligation to respect, protect, and fulfill economic and social rights. Human rights are internationally agreed-upon universal standards. These legal norms are articulated in United Nations treaties including, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR), and the International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights (ICESCR).

Article 1 of the UDHR states that, “All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.”

Although the UDHR was written about six decades ago its relevance is enduring. Many of the ideas address concerns and critical issues that people continue to face globally. Issues regarding inhuman punishment (Art. 5), discrimination (Art. 7), property ownership (Art. 17), equal pay for equal work (Art. 23/2), and access to education (Art. 26/1) are pertinent matters in countries South and North of the equator.

More specifically, States have an obligation under international law to respect, protect and fulfill human rights, including the economic and social rights of people within their jurisdiction. This is particularly relevant now given the financial crisis. In the U.S., regulation is skewed in favor of certain interests. The failure to extend government’s supervisory role in the context of social and economic change is a failure with regard to the obligation to protect human rights.

Feminist perspective

States should abide by key human rights principles to achieve economic and social rights. Some of the principles have potentially important implications for governance of financial institutions and markets, yet these possibilities have been underexplored.

Economic and social rights have a concrete institutional and legal grounding. Global declarations, international treaties, covenants, and, in a number of cases, national constitutions have incorporated aspects of the economic and social rights framework—providing an institutional infrastructure in national and international law.

Some have suggested that a consideration of global justice may not be a useful pursuit because of the institutional complexities involved. However, this does not get around that fact that global institutions already have an impact on social justice, both positive and negative.

It is useful to tease out the implications that elements of alternative frameworks have for economic governance, specifically those supported by existing institutions. Economic and social rights represent one such concrete framework. The framework is an evolving one, and ongoing discussion and deliberation is necessary to address underdeveloped areas and potential deficiencies.

---

Learn more about this proposition

• How to Apply a Human Rights Framework to Macroeconomic Strategies by Center for Women’s Global Leadership (CWGL)

This section is based on CWGL’s blog “Applying a Human Rights Framework to Macroeconomic Policies” (2012).

What does an AWID Forum mean to those who have been there? What is this magic that happens when feminists from around the world gather to celebrate, strategize, learn and share joy?

AWID spoke to over forty Forum participants to hear their stories of the transformations that happened to them as activists, to their organizations and to the movements they are part of. We also learned about what we should keep and build on that makes an AWID Forum different and how we can improve.

This report holds lessons and advice invaluable to anyone planning in-person regional and thematic convenings and for us as we plan for the 15th AWID International Forum.

Scroll down to dive in!

These industries 'extract' raw materials from the Earth: mining, timber, gas, oil are some examples

This economical model exploits nature and as it intensifies, so does the inequality between global North with their large corporations, and the global South, where resources are extracted.

Land contamination, water pollution, environmental damage, communities displaced are only some of the consequences.

Find more on our report on EXTRACTIVE INDUSTRIES

There are sustainable alternatives for the environment and women's rights.

 

Each Forum takes place in a different region, and it is time for the AWID Forum to come back to Asia! We visited many countries in the region, consulted feminist movements, and conducted detailed assessments of logistics, accessibility, safety, visas and more. Eventually, the AWID Board enthusiastically approved Bangkok, Thailand, as the best option. We are excited to come back to Bangkok, where we held the AWID Forum in 2005.

"A Feminist Approach to Understanding Illicit Financial Flows and Redirecting Global Wealth"

Download your facilitation guide in English

This Guide is also available in Spanish and Russian

---

Thanks to the co-creators of this facilitation guide:

• Daniela Fonkatz and Ana Ines Abelenda (AWID)
• Zenaida Joachim (Mesoamericanas en Resistencia - El Salvador)
• Olga Shnyrova (Ivanovo Center for Gender Studies - Russia)
• Leah Eryenyu (Akina Mama Wa Afrika - Uganda)
• Daryl Leyesa (Oriang and PKKK/National Rural Women Congress - the Philippines)

AWID’s working languages are English, French and Spanish. Thai will be added as the local language, as well as sign language & other accessibility measures. Other languages may be added if funding permits, so check back regularly for updates. We care about language justice and will try to include as many languages as we can and as our resources allow. We hope to create multiple opportunities for many of us to be present in our languages and to communicate with each other.

Welcome to Crear | Résister | Transform: a festival for feminist movements!

Principles of Engagement

AWID is committed to creating an online space that invites and challenges us all to operate from a place of courage, curiosity, generosity and shared responsibility.

We invite you to co-create spaces with us that are free of harassment and violence, where everyone is respected in their gender identity and expression, race, ability, class, religion, language, ethnicity, age, occupation, type of education, sexuality, body size, and physical appearance. Spaces where we recognize inequalities in our world and strive to transform them in our own interactions with each other.

---

We want to create a space where ...

• we can all be present

This means that we are able to listen, understand and relate to each other. To feel close, in spite of it all being virtual.  For this, we will make interpretation available and open channels (like chat and other tools) for you to react and share. To hear each other better, we invite you to wear headphones during the conversation. If it is possible for you , we suggest  that you close your email and any other likely source of distraction while you are in the conversation. 

• all forms of knowledge are valued

Let us celebrate the multiple ways in which knowledge shows up in our lives. We invite you to approach the conversation with curiosity and openness to learn from others, allowing ourselves to unlearn and relearn through the exchange, as a way to start collectively building knowledge.  

• all of us feel welcome

We are committed to holistically approaching accessibility by being mindful of different physical, language, mental and safety needs. We want a space that is welcoming of folks from various  backgrounds, beliefs, abilities and experiences. We will be proactive but we also ask that you communicate your needs with us, and we will do our best within our capacity to address these needs.

• all of us feel safe and respected:

We all commit individually and collectively to respect each other’s privacy and to seek people’s consent before sharing any images or content generated during the conversation that involves them.

---

Creating a safer, respectful and enjoyable environment for the conversations, is everybody's responsibility.

---

Reporting

If you notice that someone is behaving in a discriminatory or offensive manner, please contact the reference person who will be indicated at the beginning of the session.

Any participants that express oppressive language or images, will be removed from the call and will not be readmitted. We will not engage with them in any way.

The Call for Activities is Live!

The Deadline to submit activities has been extended to February 1^st, 2024

 

In the spirit of the Forum’s theme, we invite a diversity of activity topics and formats that:

• Facilitate genuine connection and interaction among participants
• Foster healing and regeneration in various forms, as individuals, as communities and as movements
• Inspire and challenge us to thrive together as communities and movements

A magical experience of feminist story telling led by pan-African feminist Coumba Toure, performing in the age old tradition of West African griots.

And we gathered again 
We gathered our stories our strength 
our songs
our tears 
our rage 
our dreams 
our success
our failures
And we pull them all together 
In one big bowl to share 
for a moon of thoughts 
And we stay in touch 
We shake each others minds 
we caress each other souls
While our hands still are tied 
And our kisses and hugs are banned 
Yet we grow stronger by the hour 
Weaving together our voices
Crossing the sound barriers 
as we speak in tongues 

We are getting louder and louder 
We know about differences from others 
and from each other so we are stitching our beauties into patchwork or thoughts
From our deepest learnings from our powers 
Sometimes we are surrounded by terror 
by confusions by dishonesty
But we wash out in the Ocean of love 
We are weavers of dreams 
To clothes or new world 
Thread after thread
As small as we are
Like little ants building our movement
Llike little drops building our rivers
 We take steps forward and steps backward 
Dancing our way back to sanity 
Sustain to the rhythm of our hearts keep 
Beating please don't not stop
And we are here transmitter of forgotten generosity 
drop after drop growing like the ocean 
growing like the river flowing from our souls .
showing our strength  to be  the  water 
that will clean this world
and we are gathering again can you feel us 
I would lie if I say I said I am 
Ok not to see you I do miss my people 
I miss your touch and
You unfiltered and unrecorded voices 
I miss our whispers and our screams 
Our cries of the aborted revolution 
We only want to give birth to new worlds 
 So fight to erase the borders between us 

And we gathered again 
We gathered our stories our strength 
our songs
our tears 
our rage 
our dreams 
our success
our failures
And we pull them all together In one big bowl to share 
For a moon of thoughts 
And we stay in touch 
We shake each others minds 
we caress each other souls
While our hands still are tied 
And our kisses and hugs are banned 
Yet we grow stronger by the hour 
Weaving together our voices
Crossing the sound barriers 
as we speak in tongues 
We are getting louder and louder 
We know about differences from others 
and from each other so we are stitching our beauties into patchwork or thoughts
From our deepest learnings from our powers Sometimes we are surrounded by terror by Confusions by dishonesty
But we watch out in the Ocean of love 
We are weavers of dreams 
To clothes or new world 
Thread after thread 
As small as we are like little ants building our movements
 like little drops building our rivers We take steps forward and steps backward 
dancing our way back to sanity 
Sustain to the rhythm of our hearts
keep beating please don't not stop
And we are here transmitter of forgotten generosity 
Drop after drop growing like the ocean 
growing like the river flowing from our souls 
showing our strength to be  the  water 
that will clean this world  
and we are gathering again can you feel us 
I would lie if I I said I am Ok
not to see you
I do miss my people
I miss your touch and
You unfiltered and unrecorded voices  
I miss  our  whispers  and  our screams 
Our cries over the aborted revolutions 
We only want to give birth to new worlds 
So fight to erase the borders between us 
Please don’’t stop

 جديد

عبر الإنترنت وهجين

كمشارك/ة عبر الإنترنت، يمكنك توجيه النشاطات والتواصل والتحدث مع الآخرين/ الأخريات وتجربة الإبداع والفن والاحتفال بمنتدى جمعية حقوق المرأة في التنمية بشكل مباشر. سيستمتع المشاركون/ات المتصلون/ات عبر الإنترنت ببرنامج غني ومتنوع، بدءًا من ورشات العمل والنقاشات وحتى نشاطات الاستشفاء والعروض الموسيقية. ستركز بعض الأنشطة على التواصل بين المشاركين/ات عبر الإنترنت، وسيكون البعض الآخر هجينًا بالفعل، يركز على الاتصال والتفاعل بين المشاركين/ات عبر الإنترنت وأولئك الموجودين/ات في بانكوك.

تصوير مريم مكيوي
ترجمة فيفيان عقيقي

 

الحبّ هروب في الجحيم
الحبّ أسيد يذوِّب الحانات 
لكن أنت، أنا والغد
نمسك أيدينا ونتعاهد
بأنّ هذا الكفاح سوف يستمرّ
للمنشار حدّان
للبندقية ماسورتان
نحن حبالى الحرّية
نحن مؤامرة
من واجبنا الكفاح من أجل الحرّية
من واجبنا الفوز
يجب أن نحبّ بعضنا وندعم بعضنا
لا يوجد ما نخسره سوى قيودنا

«الحبّ» لأساتا شاكور

«إذا استطعنا أن نرِث صدمةً، فهل يمكننا أن نرث بصمةً مُرتبطة بالحبّ؟»

هذا هو السؤال الذي تطرحه وازنة زوندُن في مذكّراتها «بصمة حبّ». «بصمة حبّ» هو تطواف، تداخل، انحراف يَخلق (أو يعيد خلق)، عند تقاطع المقابلات والمقالات الشخصيّة، قصص عائلاتنا ورؤىً عن الحبّ والشراكة والرومانسية. بتوجيهٍ من وازنة، اجتمعت مؤامرة كتّاب الدائرة، وحاولت إعادة إنتاج هذا المُخطّط الحرفي على شكل كتابة جماعيّة، حيث تُكمِّل قصصنا وهويّاتنا الجنسية والجندرية المُختلفة بعضها البعض، وتتناقض فيما بينها. مع تداخل أصواتنا، نُكمِّل جُمَلَ بعضنا لنخلق محادثة، تذكاراً، وأجزاء من أنفسنا تتحدّث إلى الـ»نحن».

ما هي أصول «بصمة حبّ»؟

أنا من يُسمّى «حادثة سعيدة». هناك الكثير من الروايات عن الأمر – حياة عرضية، إنّما مطلوبة في الوقت نفسه. أظن أنّ هذه هي طريقتي في الحبّ، فأنا لا أقع في الحبّ فقط؛ أنا أخاطر بانزلاق يؤدّي إلى السقوط. ربّما جعلني الأمر شخصاً قدره الحبّ.

قيل لي إنني طفلة غير مرغوب فيها. لذلك كَبِرت لأصبح شخصًا بالغًا غير مرغوب فيه. أصول «بصمة حبّ» تستند إلى كوني شخص غير مرحّب به بالأساس. أنا لستُ ثمرة حبّ أو أي مشاعر سعيدة، بل ثمرة ألَم وعبء. ليس لديّ بصمة حبّ – أقلّه بهذا المعنى.

أعرف أنّ والديّ كانا في حالة حبٍّ في مرحلة ما، لكنّ الصحّة العقلية شيطان، إلى حين يواجه المرء شياطينه، لا يوجد ربح.

لن أربط أبداً «الحبّ» بوالديّ أو عائلتي. كان الحبّ الذي يكبر مليئًا بالعنف والمسؤوليّات التي لم أشترك بها ولم أكن مستعدّة لها. شعرت لوقت طويل أنّ الحياة والحبّ يدوران حول حِملٍ مُرهِق وشاقّ. بينما كان والدايْ «يحبّان بعضهما البعض»، كانت روحٌ سامّة من العنف والغيرة وانعدام الأمن تنمو أيضاً. نشأتُ وأنا أتوق إلى الاستقرار، وهذا ما أنا عليه الآن. أنا مُجازفة، لكن ليس في «مساحة الحبّ».

لا أعرف لماذا اختارت والدتي استضافة طفل (أنا) في داخلها. هي لا تحبّ بهذا الشكل.

قالت لي والدتي إنّه إذا كان عليّ التفكير في «إيجاد» الحبّ، أن لا أنظر إلى زواجها كنموذج. تأتي «بصمة حبّ» بدلاً من تربية كلب على مدار عقدين ماضيين (18 عامًا لأكون دقيقة). والعكس صحيح أيضًا – لقد ربّوني. بتّ أفهم المزيد عن الحبّ وطبقاته العديدة في صحبتهم.

لم أعرف الحبّ من «بصمة». في منزلنا لا نتحدّث عن الحبّ. كان عليّ أن أعلّم نفسي كيف أحبّ. لقد كان عملاً صعباً. ما زلت أفشل، وما زلت أحاول وأفشل كلّ يوم. ربّما الفشل هو بصمة حبّي.

بصمة حبّي هي الرعاية والدفء والفهم الذي أعطيهم للمُحيطين بي، سواء كانوا غرباء أم أصدقاء أم أقارب أم عشيقاً. بصمة حبّي سياسيّة – غير محسوبة وغير مدروسة.

وُلدتُ تحت قصف عنيف. بصمة حبّي هي بصمة سلبية عن تلك الأحداث.

دروس مُستقاة عن الحبّ

أعرف ما هو ليس حبّاً أكثر ممّا أعرف الحبّ.

الحبّ ليس قلقاً ولا ذعراً.

الحبّ لا يطلب الإذن ليعيش أو يتنفّس. إنه الحبّ، ولا يوجد حبّ من دون حرّية.

كلّ ما تفعله هو استخدام قلبك من دون الحبّ. الحبّ هو أن تستخدم عقلك.

أحيانًا أخشى أن تضيع لغة حبّي في الترجمة.

--- هناك طرق عدّة
لرسم أصول
كيف
وكيف لا
تحبّ
الحبّ
ليس حبّاً
الحبّ كافٍ فقط
الحبّ بعيد جدّاً
بعض الحبّ
بعض الخسارة
لتحبّ
لتحبّ الخسارة ---

لا أستطيع تحمّل فكرة الزوجين. لا يمكنني تحمّل فكرة العيش بمفردي أثناء الشيخوخة أيضًا. لقد سئمتُ من القيام بالأعمال المنزلية بمفردي، والانتقال من منزل إلى آخر بمفردي، ودفع الإيجار والفواتير بمفردي... أتخيّل إصابتي بجلطة دماغية وأنا بمفردي، وهذا يخيفني. ليس لديّ خطّة «شراكة». أريد عالمًا يمكنني فيه الزواج من صديق، وشراء منزل مع صديق، وعدم ممارسة الجنس.
 

أن نحبّ كثيرين لا يفسد الحبّ المُشترك بين شخصين. سواء كان الحبّ رومانسيًا أم لا فهذا ليس مهمّاً حقًا.

عندما أفكّر في علاقاتي الرديئة، أُدرك أنني مُرتبطة بعلاقة تدرّبتُ لأكون فيها. مع كلّ «راديكاليّتي» لم أتخلّص بعد من الأعراف الجندرية القذرة.

حاجتي إلى الاستقرار «ليست جذّرية» بما فيه الكفاية. أريد الخروج من هذه الوصمة. أريد شيئًا لم أحصل عليه من قبل. أريد أن أجعله جم

--- بصمة حبّ – أحبّ شمّ الكتب لمعرفة مكان طباعتها
أحاول التفكير في أصل فهمي وممارستي الحبّ
هل نحتاج إلى أصول، فهو ليس مثل النقاء؟ لا طهارة ولا أصل للحبّ.
لماذا يتبادر الفهم والممارسة إلى الذهن وليس «العاطفة»؟ ---

عندما أتّصل بوالدَيْ، لا أغلق الهاتف بعد قول الوداع، لكي أتمكّن من سماع أصوات المنزل.
 

ما الذي نحتاجه لكي نقع في/ نشعر بالحبّ في الموت؟

أثناء دفني وفق طقوس المذهب السنّي، أريد أن يجتمع كلّ الرجال والنساء معاً. لا أفهم سبب عدم القدرة على توديع الموتى من جنس مختلف؟ سوف تكون مراسم دفني وفق الطقوس السنّية لأن والدتي قد ترغب بذلك. سوف يكون دفني صديقاً للبيئة. لا حاجة لوضع شاهد فوق قبري. أنا أحبّ كلّ طقوس الدفن. القرآن جيّد، لكنّي أريد موسيقى أيضًا. أحبّ أسمهان جدّاً، وأم كلثوم، وذا ستون روزيز.s.

لديّ قائمة تشغيل من الاثنين إلى الجمعة، وقائمتان مختلفتان لعطلة نهاية الأسبوع: واحدة ليوم السبت والأخرى ليوم الأحد. أودّ ممّن يحبّوني أن يشغّلوا الموسيقى التي كنت أستمع إليها مع الالتزام بقوائم الأيّام – هناك هامش حرّية في اختيار الأغاني طالما يلتزمون بقوائم التشغيل.

أريد أن أكون مُحاطة بمن أحبّني، ولو للحظة. مع الموسيقى والأزهار المقطوفة. لا أريد أن يشعروا بغيابي. أريد أن أموت على وقع ضحكات من أحبّهم.

أريد أن يتذكّروني كشخص يحبّ.
 

لست بحاجة للشعور بالحبّ في الموت. أريد ممّن حولي أن يشعروا بأنني أحبّبتهم، حتّى بعد موتي. أن تكون محبوبًا في الموت هو أمر مُرتبط بمَن لا يزالون على قيد الحياة. لذلك أفكّّر أكثر في كيفيّة لقائنا معًا كمجتمع حيّ ومحبّ في موت مَن نحبّهم ونعيش معهم. كيف نأخذ ذكرياتهم معنا. كيف نصبح أرشيفاً لحياتهم.

--- في بعض الأحيان يمكنك أن تحبّ الناس في موتهم فقط --

عليّ التفكير في الجسد المُتّصل بمساحة. عائلتي صغيرة جدًا، وعلى الرغم من أننا نأتي من أماكن مختلفة، لكن يبدو كما لو أن كلّ جيل انتقل إلى مكانٍ جديد. ربّما هذا هو سبب عدم ارتباط الموت بمكان خاص: مقبرة. من الشائع في عائلتنا دفن الموتى من دون أسماء أو شواهد قبور، أو ترك الرماد يتحرّر بتطايره مع الريح. أشعر بسلام إذا كان ذكري مُنفصلاً عن المكان. مجرّد التفكير بأن رمادي يُخصّب حياة جديدة، وأنّه يتمّ ذكري في أوقات التسلية والفرح، يعطيني إحساسًا بأنني محبوبة. توفّيت جدّتي في وقت سابق من هذا العام بسبب مضاعفات اللقاح. بعد ساعتين من وفاتها، جلست عائلتي تضحك على نكاتها، وطريقتها المُضحكة في سرد ​​القصص. ضحكنا وشعرنا بالحبّ وكأنّها تجلس معنا مرّة أخرى. هذا ما قد يجعلني أشعر بسلام – تخصيب التراب، وتخصيب الأحاديث، والتذكّر الجماعي.

--- هناك
شارعان أسلكهما
للمشي
للهرب
للّعب
للبقاء
هناك
خمس ساعات تكون أشعة الشمس
حادّة
السماء زرقاء
الأرض خضراء
هناك
زهرة أستطيع
شمّها
لمسها
عصرها
واقتلاعها
هناك
أصدقاء أستطيع
ضمّهم
طعام
أستطيع
ابتلاعه
لغة
تخرج
عبر شفتيّ
ربّما لا يزال هناك
أماكن عدّة
وأشياء
وناس
من بعدي ---

ربّما يكفيني وعد بـ»الاحتفاء بذكري مكانياً» كما لو أنني نبتة يجري الاعتناء بها حتّى تصبح شجرة. لا إسم ولا لوحات تعريفيّة – النبتة/ الشجرة فقط مع عِلمٍ مُسبق بأنّه سوف يتمّ الاعتناء بها. بالنسبة لجسدي، أريد أن أُحرَق من دون أي طقوس، وأن يُرمى رمادي في بحر العرب.

أريد أن يتمّ التعامل مع جسدي بشكل تخريبي كما لو أنّه على قيد الحياة.

لا أريد أن أدفن إلى جانب عائلتي. في هذا الدُرج الصغير إلى جانب كلّ الأشخاص الذين لم يعرفوني أبدًا. محاصرة بالموت كما كنت في الحياة. أريد أن أُحرَق، وأن يتمّ تحرير رمادي أخيراً.
أريد أن يُسمح لي بالمرور، لا الوقوف ما بين بين، لكي يكون ذلك وجوداً، عملية نشطة، تجاوز.

سأطلب منكم: 

• إطلاق سراحي والسماح لي بالمرور
• عدم السماح للحنين بتعكير هذه اللحظة لأنني لن أطلب سوى عودة تعابيركم إلى طبيعتها
• لقد اقتنصت اللمحات اللطيفة، وتخلّصت من الطرق الصغيرة والكبيرة التي أحبّبتموني بها سعياً للخلود. أبقيت نفسي على قيد الحياة بهذه الطريقة
• تحديد وقت للحزن
• تذكّر أنّه لا يوجد فراق في جمال الحبّ؛ إنه لا نهائي ويتجدّد من دون الجسد

أريد أن يتذكّروني من خلال الحبّ الذي تركته. أريد التخلّي عن جسدي وأعضائي لتغذية الحبّ في حياة أو حياوات أخرى.

--- رائحة الياسمين ---

---